Your Stories

By Patricia O’Flaherty

It is just after 1am and I am awake for the day after 3 hours of sleep. I am a 46 year old woman with bipolar disorder. I am extremely self aware and I spend countless hours managing my disorder in an effort to remain stable. I have done so well for so long but recently the changes I am going through regarding early menopause have sent my stability crashing down like a tidal wave. I have been experiencing bipolar symptoms common to my specific disorder for about a month. It was a slow progression until there was nothing slow about it. I sat two Saturday mornings ago cycling and I was determined to fight through what was happening and regain control again. I have been extremely proactive; working with my psychiatrist. She has increased my medicines and added a sleeping aide which is not yet successful. It’s a battle; a daily battle. My life has been a war zone. For years I survived each day just as a tortured captive would. Today, I no longer survive the days, I live. I live and I love life. I picked up the pieces I had left after destroying most things in my life and I started again. I am surrounded by friends and family who love me and fight my fight with me. I am thankful for what I have and who I am. I wouldn’t change anything about myself today. It has taken me a long time to get here but I’m here to stay. I am brave, fearless, a fighter. I’ll walk through hell and back to achieve calmness and stability. Bring it! I say. I am not afraid of you. I try to educate anyone I meet with bipolar disorder. I am an intelligent woman who has spent my life studying my disorder in an effort to help others who are not as self aware. I recently met a young woman who knew very little about herself. She was very down, sad, embarrassed. I told her; you are a woman first. A beautiful, unique, creative, kind, thoughtful woman. Bipolar disorder is only one piece of your story. It does not define you. It gives you flavor, but it’s not the meal. She laughed. She said I never thought of it like that. I told her, use it to your advantage. Gain strength from it. Let the worst days give you courage and motivation on the better days. You are a beautiful woman and you can do this just like all the women before you by educating yourself, following doctors suggestions, taking your medication and living a health lifestyle. We may not have an even playing field as others without our disorder but that doesn’t mean we can’t win the game. We just have to fight twice as hard and trust me, when you achieve stability, life is so worth living. Life is a beautiful place to be when you learn how to quiet the storm. I thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts. I wish everyone a hopeful tomorrow. Tomorrow always comes.